Honestly, I feel very contented here in Indo...despite my doubts being lonely n all... trUlly Filled with loadsa family love. really very happy indeed. Even though Its only a short 3 weeks break in Indo, I think I have to make full use of it.
Even though I have a naggy mom, I have to agree on this note with my irritating brother that she is the best mother in the world! see.. every morning no matter how late she is for work, she always takes tme to go to each room to check on every kid, put on blankets, give us the morning kiss... its true how annoying it could be when there is someone ALWAYS checking on u.. to think about it, she checks if we have enough money to buy things, that we remember to take our lunch at the proper time, that we have FOOD to eat, that we are not left alone, that we are safe on the roads, that we hav a good time with driving lessons, that things are taken care off basically.
Every morning before I go out I notice my wallets will be refilled again. She always remembers to do that... which comes really handy because i had just enough money for my whole day trip today! really appreciated this little concern of hers. i wonder i wuld be really embarrased without enough money to go around.. in fact, she checked Each of our wallets. and fill them all up... everyday.
Even though she is always teasing .. kinda against my relationships… she will make sure im not empty handed whenever I am to meet him... or his parents, and so it goes with my brother’s. she prepares kueh lapis for her too.. for my bro to give her. I mean.. at least she cares.. and u bet, she cares a lot.
Whenever I m down.. she cares to listen to my problems too. I mean I know its no big deal. But it’s the thing between my mom n me. Sort of a barrier at times. Because of her hard headed and fierce character… its kinda hard.. well the fact that she bothered to listen meant a lot to me..
Today, when she fetched me with my brother from my friends’ house, i noticed she was full of smiles. I guess she was in good mood… its really pleasing to see that coming frm her, because she has been suffering these days… well …anyway, when I tell her about what I did the whole day, those little things and short conversations really was pleasing. We discuss how terrible the saloon was, the poor service etc… how delicious the dinner was etc..
its just this LittlE things that I missed doing for years.. been wanting to do this sooo badly when I was away for years from her.. my mom.. sigh.. I realized how much we missed on each others’ lives… I barely know what she does everyday at work. I know she worked very very hard.. for me and siblings unbelievably high sch fees..
suddenly I just wanna grow old fast and earn big bucks!! argh. The first thing im gonna do is to repay my parents’ hard work. Buy them a resort or something.. lol. a swimming pool maybe? cos my mom loves to swim…
she may look like one busy career woman, but is actually a caring mother and a responsible housewive too. She’s like Lynette Scavo u know. Hehe. She does things out of love. It gets too panicky sometimes and this too overly-concerned character of hers made us feel its kinda annoying...
Loving someone too much can be a pain in the ass. People might not appreciate u see so yeah.
However, Im sure there is always a silver lining.. aint there? ^-^
shAnz
4:28 AM
I had a strange dream yesterday. A nightmare. It seemed so real. If dreams can come true, will nightmares too?
I feel numb.
shAnz
4:26 AM
had a hair cuT yesterday.. i look like some rock-band-gurl. *ugh*aniwae. just smething to ponder.. the influence that people get by the things around them takes pretty short time.... despite knowing what lies beneath.. But WHy? Even when u know u ARe right? WHy cant u just be URSELF and stICK to it? sigh... thats something i would bring up after i got a whole mess over a conversation with my grandma..So does the same thing happen with my siblings... i sensed that my brother and sister has the SAME weird attitude when they are around each other. like some gangsters or sth. out to bully me. *grr* well sometimes they do nice thigns together but sometimes, just sigh.well on a good note they support each other's opinion. whiCH is unfortunately against mine. lol. the only happy moments we do togehter is when the three of us gather up in the car togehter after we fnish our driving lessons each day. its fun to discuss how did each of us go n all. discuss the difficulty on how to balance stupid clutch and accelerator... when CaUGHt in the jam.. laugh at each other's stupid car moves.. well...its been going on since monday. 3 more to go and there u go. my license can be settled pretty soon after. heheerm... i really cannot remeber what did i really learnt back 2 years ago. its just that i know i learnt before, i can FEEL it. but i cannot rmb where did i go n what did i do etc. guess i never had really paid much attention sicne i know back then i canot make a license aniway. well now the is a big difference. i realyze driving on a slope is a real challenge, on manual o'course. i tried to practise on matic after that with my driver n irritating siblings behind me once, and i kinda didhe a U turn.. but.. it didnt go too well. haha. imagine the laugh i got from the duoz. kinda remind me i got a lousy memory indeed. but i do remember the ones worth remembered. those that had significant impacts o'course..hee.. considering that.. i suddenly remembered while packing my stuff in sg, i saw this bottle full of love seeds. i know someone picked them up one by one for me bACK when i stayed in Paya Lebar.. the question is, WHO? lol..
shAnz
2:33 AM
Today, is fairly one of the meaningful days i had for quite sometime. Everything went smoothly except when Thaz forgot all about me. hehe.. kiddin. Well got to hav her print this report which i made for Best oNe and she kinda left her hp somewhere unheard so i had to wait for her for sometime, chatting with this Guard. Guess what, he asked " which Unit" and i answered, " Melbourne Uni"... for a sec we both kept quiet. hahahaha
Then well i went t0 parkway to retrieve my Mom's stuff... BUT ended shoppin for Grandma as well as MyselF and oh please, blame it on my peripheral view~ haha. saw this sign of "SALE from $9 onwards" hung LARGE and BLUE on the glass walls on U2 so i got tempted to LOOK> Despite knowing my luggage cant handle any more stuff but hey, looking only, no harm at all right. hehe. BUT, saw this cardigan REally Cute in Baby bRight PInk with cuTE lil buttons. awww... so hehe. grabbed one, then walked further and i saw this LOng sleeve tee so erh. eheh... not too bad. its 50% off hey. though its not $9 but $20 =p worth it for that cutey cardigan hehehe
called mom and got quite rude because she was being unreasonable about certain stuff. FUrthermore. dad gave me a good scolding because i tried to talk mom into softening ehrself to dad. i GOt quite clueless of what to do next. the thing is, i wonder. whats the meaning of happiness in this life? how would u know if the guy u love today, is going to be the one for u? Mom says, be extra careful and do not jump into conclusions too early, because he might be good while dating but after marriage; totally different person altogether. question is, HOw am i gonna find that out?
Well, doubting Mr CHiang, Managing Director of Best 1 would appreciate my effort on my report, I thought of sending the report through post. However, once home to put my stuff down and grab some stuf to eat, my cousin said, i MIght as well go down for the last time to tell him "sorry it didnt work out for me, but this is the least that i can do (report)" WHICh i thought was a good idea since i had 2 hours free then. and so i went, after what seemed like hours, I reached. and met him right at the entrance of the company. he looked busy, looked like today is the start of his distribution day or whole saler meetings or sth. everywhere is red and pretty and neat. unlike the previous DAYS when i got there. well I said what i practised, and there u go. DONE. for a sec i thought, "maybe i am gonna regret what i did today, and not perservere in it, but hey, for once, I am happy of this decision. heaven knows."
Then i met up with Tsunting and her friends. SHe FINally got herself hER MOST Wanted accesories of the SEASON. hehhee. T9 SOnny CAMera! congratulations, ITS VERYYYY pretty!! hehhee.. its great meeting up with her again, somehow it made me feel whole load better about everything that ive been glooming about, somehow.
THEn i met up with Cai Qin, My pri sch friend. SHe's SUch a great friend. turned into a beauty now. changed alot, indeed.. and her BF too of course, workng in CItYgEM. hrm.. as expected, thanks to friendster, her BF is much older then she is. well, the thing is she is HAPpy! and, 2 years time, if all well goes well, she is GONNA BE my FirsT FRIENd to get MARRIED! haha.. omy omy yesh.. i know she is serious and i told her i waNNA be the brides maid. NO matter what. i shall fly down to sG should i need to. haha. anytime.
Well she told me this really interesting stuff, told to her once by her sec sch teacher: here goes:
In life, there are 4 types of love.
First love, is loving urself.
SEcond love, is the love towards your 1st BF. its a very strong, passionate love. however, this tends not to last, and because it is ur first love, u love him extremely that it becomes so viscious that it hurts so much.
Third love, is the love you give to ur 2nd BF. this time, u know love hurts, and tend not to "love" too much. so ur 2nd BF's love seemed so great that it looked as if he love u more than u love him. but u think this is too possessive. and u neglected this. and off u go
The last type of love, is the love from ur 3rd BF. He might not be the love of ur life, at least not the deepest love uve had with ur 1st, but he is a suitable man for u. somehow. and the one u should marry afterall.
-- well.. what a theory but hell it sounds familiar. haha. oh maybe i left out certan details because cafe cartel was too noisy jsut then so yeah. but i get the gsyt of the story, and i really appreciate that. very much, duno if its a kinda sign but *shrugs* -- the thing is, its okay to make mistakes. its the mistakes u make that make u stand where u are today.
Read in this current Fave book of mine recently, it says that women search commitment, assurance and constant love in a relationship. which i must say, is very true. ^0^
shAnz
3:50 AM
one planned decision ends it all.
one simple mistake, also ends it all.
whether it is a mistake or not, does it matter?
but here i go, hanging in between, not knowing where i should head towards to, nor what i should do.
so here i am, feeling what seemed like a gush of invisible tears trickling down my face...
shAnz
3:04 AM
why is it that everything that i do doesnt come to an end? it always hangs at the point of frikkin close to "climax" and sadly it stays there. or worse, it fells back to the "zero". I am talkin about this student attachment thingy that has been going on for months now. oh rather, the APPLICATION for student attachment. sigh. truly, it doenst matter whether i dont work, because ultimately i will have to do research instead. However, I was also given promising words etc so it fumes me up since i had placed high hopes on these. So it feels like. so near, yet so far. its just a phone call away but sigh.. they always say they will call back.
Called SFI, Elvy was the HR Manager. SHe was very nice, very polite. But she said she will call me back after she look thorough my file. The thing is, if i were to call back now, she would think i am an impatient brat, isnt it? sigh. how am i supposed to do? if i dont, i will be waiting n waiting, furthermore, im stayin in my cousin's house. its not appropriate because.. well .. i duno why.. but i dont feel good at all. using their hoz n all.
the second company was CP Kelco. recommended by my maternal uncle. this is quite difficult to get, but my uncle, Darwin, works there and he said, i will try to get u the assignment. haha.
the third is this sausage company. its the smallest company of all three and i am not sure of how it works so far. but for the sake of experience, i will just try to do anything.
Today, yes about few minutes later, i am going to call all three companies again, and find out if I am rejected or approved. *crosses fingers*
shAnz
1:29 PM
