I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else
I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself
I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart
I'd rather have the one who holds my heart....
=-=-=-=-=-= so sweetttttt =D !!!!! =-=-=-=-
"I'd rather, by Luther Vandross"
shAnz
12:16 AM
alright, 2 days ago, it was finally between 2 apts. Whiteman st and then Flinders. Was really stressed up until today. sigh. didnt even sleep well last nte cos i was worrying about my brother and all. After what seemed like only 2 hours of sleep, my brother called me to discuss on the pros and cons of these 2 apts. Well. For whiteman st: $365/w +$99/ mth cleaning for 3 mths + tennis court + swimming pool + gym + carpark + whitegoods (fridge+ washing machine+ dryer+dishwasher) + bland coloured carpet + smaller rooms + 2 trams to swanston + move in right away.Flinders st: $350/w + no facilities + no white goods + cool bluish grey coloured carpet + brand new apt + 1 tram to swanston, nearer to city n Uni + ready only on 6th March.Well took me kinda long time to decide on FINALLY whiteman street; the price, the facilities, transport etc etc etc. even talked to my parents for quite some time and they also agreed on it. but hell things are just so GOing AGainST my will! Blamed it on my own reckless and indecisive actually. should have answered Yonas's call yesterday night. I thought he was calling me to tell me that i Got whiteman st approved. and if i do, i really dont know how to reject that offer and decided to leave it till this morning to allow me sometime to think about which one i actually want between the 2. So silly! SO he was actually telling me that He cant have Mary's reference. and wanted me to rush her to call ihm or sth. even though Aug was right, that even if i have answered his call then (6pm) Mary would have already off her hp and wouldnt answered to him right away, so it doesnt matter anyways. BUT to think abt it. I could perhaps leave her SMS or email and make sure she does give him a reference once she wake up or sth. SIGH. how can I be SO DUMb! MARY WHY ArE YOU SO DAMn iRRITATing!!!!! wHY didnt U PICK the PHOne UP lASt eveNING!! SIGH. its cos of this pathetic call from her that cause me to lose that apt. someone else got this all ready and all and she got it first. BUT i know its also my fault. sigh. thats why i was so pissed about all these. I'll have to move my things out asap. then do steam cleaning, domestic wash and cut of bills etc before TUes. I cant wait to move to flinders! *crosses fingers* i really wish i can get this. its my last and only hope i guess. . . This evening aug drove us to Caravel Lane, my MOST WANTED apt to look at the previous tenants' furniture to buy from her. but it ended costing $1K for bed, $1K for couch and $500 for fridge. sigh.. far too ex! im so so so disappointed. Now that im ASSUMing i will get FLInders, I hav to look for washing machines, fridges etc... they have none there. i hope i get to move in really early. LIke 3rd MArch. Oh please! im counting on Rebekah's call this coming Monday. ITs soooo Killing me. Now that the night is here, i cant help but drift my mind to apts again. I know weekends i cant do anything. but i just felt so wrong.... Im back here since 15th and none is done. Apt not even confirmed, no furnitures. no nothing. and Uni is starting on MOnday. Im so so so doomed. I have even dragged dah with me.. i know he has been really nice, sending me ard all over the place... i guess without that lazy big pig i would have tired myself out. ^0*Honestly, im so so tired. But i have so many things to think about. Alot of things. the apt, the tute times, the bank, the furnitures.. i cant wait... but a good note, I WILL be holding up a HOuse waRming parTY! Im thinking of about 20 guests. which is possible really, but those driving might have a problem cos there is such a narrow lane outside the apt, kinda impossible to park. hehe.. hmm... should i cook? or should i do bbq? there is a bbq machine sold in Big W for $160? cheap eh. hehehehehe.... wahhhh.... new apt!!! im so excited actually. well if only the one with the spiral staircase has got walls on the 2nd wall for the 2nd bedroom. i dont mind applying for that one. its soooo coolllll... 2 floors! hehehehe.. sigh.. now im thinking .... MAYBE i shud get that one. let me ask rebekah tomorrow =D omg. i realize another new personality. (well not really, i know this part long time ago, that im soft hearted hohoho) BUT its just that its getting stronger and its bad =( These days (eversince i became 20) im getting so self conscious i guess. WEll, I find myself soooo lousy! i really am! cos im sooo indecisive! it shows SO MUCh because its so tough for me to make a decision. and now because of this flaw, its dragging my agony. im so stupid. i hate myself why cant i jsut decide fASt? u know like what people say, just DO what u want to do? i cant. i dont know. i always think of other factors. why do i have to think so much???? argh. going SO against my will.
shAnz
12:44 AM
headache headache... having terrible headache...
OH please!!!! I really cannot take it anymore. Please dont let me wait anymore.... sobs.. please grant me 15 Caravel lane, or at least, gimme a call regarding 325 Collins sTreet pleaseee!!! im so terrible waiting for you guys to approve my application!! sigh...
I have 2 apts waiting for me right at this moment, but they are both under MICM! i have to sign a monthly cleaning service for $99 which i think its kinda absurd. what if i sign the contract and they dont let me terminate it by 3 mths, like what Natalia said? sigh.
I really cannot wait!! its so pressurizing.... i have to get this done ASAP man ASAP!!!!
even shopping today was half hearted. my mind was drifting to apartments and more apartments, kept looking at mobile, anticipating calls from the agents. its killing me! sigh... what should i do..
to think about it, caravel lane is realllllyyyyyy pretty. no tram.. nvm. i'll try to walk home? haha. sigh. ok. its impossible.. one tram along that road... and it ends at 6pm. sigh.. what should i do....
i think i have so much stuff to think about that even sleeping cant calm my nerves, neither does the "refreshing tea" i had this afternoon. haha
well this afternoon was really great actually. though we didnt buy anything, i had a fun time with the girls... Diana drove today. and i have the urge of driving too.. really cannot wait till the day i can finally have my own car and drive around. ^-^ i know the places quite well i guess...just that unfortunately i dont get to drive... I was also street directory today too! hehe.. oh well... ={
if i get Whiteman Street apartment, that will be 365 per week, cum 99 bucks for cleaning. thats gonna cost a bomb.. *sigh* car? no way. not easy.. its gonna take ages i guess... well unless i get that 300 per week at Lygon street or sth. but that agent hasnt called either! he promised to call asap n NOW its been 2 days! *hehe. its way too long RIGHT!!!!!* sigh...
i guess no one will ever understand how i am going through looking for this stupid apartment right now.. i will be homeless in one week!!! ={
shAnz
12:57 AM
\(^0^)/yeay! So happy! today dah let me drive his car. though its only a short 5-10m distance (..... 0.O .. yeah.. lil pathetic for me.. sobsob.. cos he felt uncertain that i can do it.. haha) aniwae, it felt so good!my legs are too short though to cover the vertical distance from the pedals to the ground.... *oops*hahawish i was taller. really lookin forward to another try... I hope my bro's fren is selling his car at 20k... *integraaaaaaaa* haaahaa
shAnz
11:59 PM
Having toothache now.. i wonder if i get a hole somewhere.. sobs.. i didnt even eat sweet stuff, forbid myself for quite some time now.. furthermore, i brush my teeth more often than normal humans do! hehehehe.. 1) Once i wake up2) when i bath in the morning3) when bathing in the evening/ night4) before i get to bed.*argghhhh* to think about it my siblings dont even brush so mani times but they nv hav to go to the dentists and i went like twice the last time back in indo and now its kinda hurting...aniway, been losing appetite since i was in indo.. lost 2 kg.. even miin says it was obvious tt i lost it.. which was kinda amazing cos i didnt even put any effort and i lost it. but when im perservered to lose some weight i didnt even lose half a kg. oh well..but anyway.. i went for lunch with her again at 1pm today and it didnt get better until tonight's dinner which i just had, at 10pm. aug n i ordered pizza and i ate 3 pieces! hauhaua.. and i feel like puking now. so full. i think im getting my appetite back though.. haha.. hopefully. hrm.. been looking for apartments this afternoon. but managed to arrange 2 only! the first one i went to was at a newly built apartment, stil having ongoing construction, which is bad! because we had to wear closed footwear and i wore sandals. haha it was scorching hot today! weird. yesterday was cooling tho.. oh well.. so i went home, and went to the second one. it was not bad... but kinda small.. just nice for 2, but not for 3.. so sigh.. hav to keep on looking... *i wish i can get dorcas st though, but only can inspect nx mon* ther r so many ppl looking this period! just now about more than 10 ppl came to look at the first apt.. sigh.. its just making me feel anxious. im soooo afraid i cant get apt by this march.. *sobs* I hope tomorrow will be a better day.....
shAnz
11:57 PM
Hey iAm back in OZ land. again. Sigh. Just talked to my mom on the phone…my sisTA (^0^) got into UNi! Thank GOD! She is so lucky! Im really happy. N it’s the course and Uni she wanted to go… As I chat with her… suddenly I remembered what happened yesterday…
Like I told Fu, my val wasn't special.. nothing much. In fact, time passed so quickkly... See, woke up at 8am today to go to Angels' sch to see her perform at the "valentine’s talent show" She was supposed to go on the Piano and Fashion Show. SO 3 of us, n my popo went to the Kindergarten to support her becos both my parents are stuck at work.. =( sad for her ya.. well anyway. The kids… *shakes head* are soooo naughty! Only a few did well.. the others.. ckckck.. hauhaua.. angel wasn’t good either. She played only one hand on the piano. But who cares. She is my beloved sister! LOL. Then did some last min errands and left to the airport at 130pm, reached at 245pm, left at 5pm, reached sg at 745, called some friends, leave again at 845pm and then stayed for 7 hours on plane and the nx thing it’s the 15th Feb, 7am. So there u go… sigh... no choice... wanted to spend a really lovely dinner in sg with dah.. but things doesn’t go as expected.. hav things to do back here...
Anyway… at indo airport..I was sobbing badly. becos.. partly I know I will miss them badly and that I must admit I didn’t make full use of my time with my family this last time… wanted to make a difference, but it seemed so hard… I think my mom is very pitiful. As much as I love her, I cannot help but ding jui when she go to an extent that is too "unnecessary". Sigh. I really regret… but it was too late then. I was already leaving… * sorry ma >_< * When everything is settled and I was ready to go, I turned and looked across at my family, and suddenly, something familiar hit me hard in my heart. N it hurt… it’s the feeling I always had when I was younger. When I had to leave my parents, my family, before I go to Singapore… was ard 10 maybe? Well few years after I get used to it and stopped crying. Then I remembered, my grandma reminded me to tell my dad to come to my graduation ceremony this Dec, becos he MIGHT not wanna do it, cos my mom n him apparently are having problems.. so.. As I told my dad, "Pa, try to settle the visa asap ya.. I really want u to… (sob).. come.." tears flowed and my voice shaked… cannot take it anymore.. so the unbearable feeling of mine to leave was too overwhelming that I had to cry in front of them. There u go. the feeling was back. Me at 21, cried in public. Like a small kid. As if I got bullied, as if I got scolded. But I didn’t care. for a moment I didn’t wanna go back… Im so afraid once I leave, something bad will happen.. when I leave, I will not be going for dinners together again; cos everyday I was with them. We will eat out and eat funny funny food in Indo… like.. the fried rice which Mas Toha (this street seller) cooked. It is the best fried rice ive ever eaten my whole life. Will not play PS2 together again with Dad; fatal frame and car racing… Will not hear the genuine hysterical laughter my Dad gives and see the Bo Gam Guan smile my Mom will make each time Angel plays PS2 with dad..or when any of us make a stupid or funny remarks… As these thoughts popped up in my mind, I jst cried silently. Guess I looked damn ugly so my dad had to say “hush, udah udah (which means hao le hao le)” but that doesn’t make me feel better. I cried more. But even though I thought it could be of my guilty conscience and that I mist them; honestly, I DON’T don’t know why. I just cried, there wasn’t anything in my mind then. My tears just flowed… *why?* so childish, hate it. Once my brother mentioned Ive changed. To be so much more emotional. Which wasn’t the me before. He said it was August that made me so. *maybe* could be my mom too. So its twice the effect. which I see is a bad change in me.. sigh. What am I gonna do… it’s a character. Even though I call it off with Aug this day, I will be emotional the following month. Or year. It stays with me, isn’t it. I know it’s a bad character of mine.. but I really don’t know how to change that. Its currently bringing lotsa unpleasant feelings, n Im often disturbed… *sigh* I need to go talk to psychologist I think. OMG! How can I actually think that way?! oMG-osh =/
shAnz
1:40 AM
I found this autobiography really inspiring... =) it was read once by my sec sch's principal one day during erm.. morning assembly? haha..
I. I walk down the street.There's a deep hole in the sidewalk.I fall in.I am lost.....I am helpless;it isn't my fault.It takes forever to find a way out.
II. I walk down the same street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I pretend I don't see it.I fall in again.I can't believe I am in the same place;but it isn't my fault.It still takes a long time to get out.
III. I walk down the same street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I see it is there.I still fall in....it's a habit.My eyes are open.I know where I am.It is my fault.I get out immediately.
IV. I walk down the same street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I walk around it.
V. I walk down a different street.
Well.. sometimes people make mistakes and repeats them... when will one finally come to their senses? when will... they get to Chapter 5.... ?
shAnz
12:37 PM
