e s o p h o r i a - it's all about how you perceive me.

The shock of reality
not only made my stomach flipped
it sent my spleen right up my throat.
even that tough sprain on my ankle did not hurt as bad
at least not till now..

I thought I had grown so matured by now
at least, sufficient to tackle my own problems
I realized I have not
IN fact, Im not even close
Compared to someone 4 years my senior,
I feel like I am 12.

This long talk that I had
I finally realized my deepest fear
which is having to NOT know what I wanna do
I DO know many things in life
Its scary how u always know what u thought
you knew but in fact you have no idea
what you have had in your mind for all these years

How can I possibly NOT know!?
so here I am struggling to find the answer
everyday, everytime.
Once the right picture comes along
One mere harmless gush of wind blows it off and gone
One day I'm in, another day I'm out.
Its always like that. Always.
Someone slap me.

This final breakthrough of walking into that door
that opens to the real world make me realize how much
effort I had to put in, the past 20 years of
sweat, tears and brain wrecking days
aint all it.

Graduation is not the end afterall,
It is the beginning,
of life.
I mean it!
If you'd think you have led a great life so far
and you think
you can count on it,
think again. .
You cant, not even the richest kid
or the most successful person i know.
well at least, at this crucial stage..

The world of unlimited choice
that's filled with infinite restrictions and sarcasms
The world where u can easily find easy tackled ads
with countless of hidden icebergs
The world where you bothered to go the extra mile to be one real adult
where nobody actually takes you seriously

It is just how important it is to do what they call,
"Incorporating Wise Up for Career world"

Its weird, how you struggle SO MUCH in the University
But after walking down that narrow path
you realize it IS really a narrow NARROW path
no T nor Cross junction whatsoever?
Where and WHEN can I ever find that pedestrian crossing
if there's any?
I know that this narrow path
is taking me down the longest tunnel ever built
I know that I will find a destination
OH I BET I WILL.
Just when will this tunnel end?

When things come too easy
we'll suspect.
do they have to get complicated
before we believe they are for real?
Most of us are raised to believe that
the course of different segments in life
never runs smoothly
there is always an obstacle in Act two
before you live happily ever after in Act three
but what happens if the obstacles aren't there?
does that mean that something is missing?

shAnz
8:20 PM

Loving the right person at the wrong time,
Having the wrong person when the time is right,

And finding out you love someone right
after That person walks out of your life.

And sometimes,
you think you're already over a person,
Until you see them smile at you again,
You'll suddenly realize that you're really not.

For some,
they think that letting go is one way
Of expressing how much you love the person,
By sacrificing your happiness for theirs,
Without realizing that the other person's
Doing the same thing for them.

Most relationships tend to fail
Not because of the absence of love;
Love is always present,
It's just that one is being loved too much
And the other was being loved too little.

I heard that if you give up things too easily to a man,
he will get bored with you
i don't think this is wrong
a girl says that she will never be fooled again
but she will fall in love again

-= I will still miss you because I am a girl, to whom love is everything =-

//Kiss, because I'm a girl//

HAPPY 21st BIrTHDAY KIM! =)
hauhauhuahua

shAnz
3:41 AM

Your Birthdate: November 20

You are a virtual roller coaster of emotions, and most people enjoy the ride.
Your mood tends to set the tone of the room, and when you're happy, this is a good thing.
When you get in a dark mood, watch out - it's very hard to get you out of it.
It's sometimes hard for you to cheer up, and your gloom can be contagious.

Your strength: Your warm heart

Your weakness: Trouble controlling your emotions

Your power color: Black

Your power symbol: Musical note

Your power month: February

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

shAnz
2:43 AM

My Girl OST

- Thumbs UP! -
Another great series!
Good story, Good actors n actresses;
Good song, good beat.
Hilarious yet roooomantic.

Made me laugh and cry...
^x^

Girls ! .. and guys mayb.. ?! Check this out~
hAhahs
http://www.hancinema.net/korean_Lee_Joon-ki.php

shAnz
2:58 PM

Waiting.. ?

so... we do have our own paths..
Its no longer my worries anymore

so being stubborn and dumb as I am,
here am i sitting up waiting..

haa finally the sun rises and the birds started chirping..
hmm..
i guess its time to
.... sleep.. =)
time to ..
tell myself there is more to do, that
there is always a better tomorrow..

I will get there.

shAnz
6:04 AM

One of the most memorable trips I've had. . .

1) Cherry Farm

Angel seemed like she was in her dreamworld =)
she could not stop smiling
giggling.. and jumping around..
look at all her poses.. lol my lil girl..

we all raced (ok not all.. mayb mom angel and bro..)
as to who picked the most cheeries @ the end of the day. .

2) Maze garden; with loadsa big fat flies

3) Some beach close to frankston; with more flies

4) Night market, at vic mart. . .

*awww i love this pic best*
my dad was helping my sis salvage her painting..
she wet the brush too much before she paints
so her unicorn was dripping with "blood" then.. =_='''

@ one look, the pic looked photoshop-editted. bcos of the background.
but its not. hehe
its just one of my lousy camera snaps.
im so lousy at that.
right Ly? >.<

--> ?? uh ya a camel.. owh no there were two.
n they were HUGE.
n smelly.. mayb..?

shAnz
12:58 AM

Happy New Year ~~ ! ! !

Everything went really smoothly for me . . . .
Finally had whole family reunion dinner - w/o sis tho
Finally had massage session
Finally had proper dinner in Sg..

Had one of the front row seats on plane..
The weird girl who sat one seat away WHO talked to her video game
left me with another guy
so i had the whole ROW for myself.

I did had the chance to stretch out my legs but
because im short it doesnt really matter cos i didnt even cover up two seats.
it was comfy but i felt uncomfy deep inside

Didnt sleep throughout the flight..
well..
almost did. but this air stewardess woke me up to ask if i wanna eat.
i shaked my head
she nodded and then sticked some note on top of my seat
which i realized later on
it says something like
: "SHh! do not disturb passenger"
.......... lol tts cute.

but i already got woken up,
couldnt sleep after.
so i stayed awake throughout,
browsing Kris magz, and
clicking on that remote for like thousand times
for nice movies..
BUT there's none!
ok ther was,
departed, guardian, monster houz, step up..
n i watched them all before
that was it.!
the rest . . . its either i havent heard before
or .. ok . no OR. they all are bad.

OH can u imagine! THEY dont even have FRIENDS on commedy channel!
AND they printed on the magz
New Year - 80 MOVIES showing. - crap.
ITS NEW YEAR!
1st JAN 2007! No nice movies!? No nice song clips too! and no commedies!

haha..
ok.. pardon me.. i sound ridiculous.
IM practically venting my frustration on the silly mini tv..
=_=
so pathetic.
well thats because, that was my only hope to cheer me up
on my way back here to melbourne.

and its ruined. ok not really.
i watched StepUp all over again though.
Watched it on my way back to sg last xmas..
i love their dance steps.. =p

well ok soon after, at about 5-6am Mel time
when i looked outa the window
i noticed blue - yellowish streaks on the horizon
never seen such beautiful sun rise before..
ive seen the sky turned pink-orangy-purplish during sunset
but never have i noticed
such a perfect contrast..
i wish i could take a picture right then..
all i remember was.. it was pitch dark,
with distant bluish smear followed by bright green and
golden yellow. . . maybe a tinge of baby pink along with that
pretty.

and no, i wasnt dreaming.
haha..

so things went really good afterall..
yet im not happy..
in fact
i feel sad
full of regrets, regrets for many things i didnt do
during my 10 days holiday. . .
loneliness filled me as the cooling brezzy melbourne air greeted me..

whilst in the taxi..
movin through all the familiar tolls and freeways..
the conventional hook turns..
the almost perfect city apartments..
it made me wonder
how come it seemed i just left this place yesterday

this all happen so soon..
i havent met most of my friends like i promised to
i havent baked any cakes!
i havent met Mr Soon - oh no..
i forgot to collect my BONDS >.<
i havent told anyone what i really want to say
oh i havent done so many things . . .

Ive been on the plane for 4 times on and off within 10 days
Been to the airport 9 times this month.
Can I go on another trip?
=(

shAnz
2:44 PM